I remember well my days playing Tekken 3 with the honors engineers of Rutgers University. My proficiency at the game (really, I just pressed every button at once, as fast as I could) seemed to impress them, elevating my status in their minds. If you were to test the suitability of a possible new gf/bf, what would you use?

I think it might have been the fact that you had no idea what you were doing but still wanted to try that impressed them.  I don’t think that I need to have everything in common with my significant other, so I don’t have a list of suitability requirements when screening potential partners.  It would be nice if they were interested in a few of the things that I enjoy, but even if they just try something new with me and hate it so much they never want to do it again, that would make me just as happy.  I guess my list of suitability questions would be short, and just require an open mind for new experiences.

Engineers of all sorts are adept at building things…putting things together…figuring out the right tools and building blocks for optimal functionality. What would you put into a first date emergency kit?

It depends on what we were doing on the first date…if I ever take someone to a waterfall in winter again, I’ll bring a first aid kit and blankets.  But if we’re talking “in case the date goes really well,” maybe fixings for a late-night snack would be in order.

Speaking of building things (holla to all you civic engineers), how would you work toward building a strong foundation for a long-term relationship?

I lasted over three years with someone who was constantly flipping the toilet paper roll around the opposite way of how I like it to hang.  We were constantly joking around about our T.P. war.  Understanding what is and isn’t important to the person you are with is probably the fastest way to build a foundation for a long-term relationship.  You need to support them on the things they care about, just as you expect them to support you with what matters in your life.  And you need to laugh while figuring it all out.

I would expect nothing less from an engineer than optimum efficiency, and I assume that you would expect the same from a prospective suitor. For all of us non-engineers, what is the most efficient way to get a hot young engineer in bed?
I assume that you always have a contingency plan, right? What do you suggest readers do to bail out of an obviously unsuccessful date?

I’ve seen on television where people work out very elaborate plans such as “call me at some predetermined time and if my date blows I’ll claim an emergency!” Really, why go to such extremes – if it’s not meant to be, cut your losses early.  Usually if a date is going sour to the point you want to bail, it’s probably the first few; I believe it is entirely reasonable to just tell the person, “look, this isn’t working for me,” and end the date at that. There is no need for helicopters or men in black suits, I promise.

I have a really tight-knit group of friends, and my man doesn’t seem comfortable around them. How can I help him feel like a true part of my posse?

He’s not a part of your posse; he’s your boyfriend.  Depending on how long you’ve been together, this could just be an issue of time; adding a new person to a very close group of friends is never easy, and you have to expect a new man – trying to be on his best behavior so all your friends will like and approve of him – might feel at least a little intimidated.

My man and I are always working. Always. We barely have the time left over for each other. It drives me crazy that he thinks that watching CSI together is sufficient for bonding. What would you suggest as an ideal quickie date for us?

Why not make a TV picnic to watch in front of CSI?  Some of my favorite dates are ones where we didn’t go anywhere; I’m a sucker for snuggling up on the couch with someone and watching a movie.  Alternatively, you could suggest he accompany you to whatever you do to decompress after working.

My boyfriend can’t make a move without asking for his dad’s opinion. It drives me crazy, because I feel he ignores my input as a result. What should I do?

Dump him.  No, really…if your significant other doesn’t have you ranked significantly enough, it’s probably time to find someone who will.  If you really don’t want to dump him, then it’s time to have a serious sit-down where you talk about your expectations of him, tell him to grow up, be a man, and stop calling daddy every time he needs to make a decision.

I burp in front my boyfriend. He sometimes uses his Ped Egg when we’re watching TV. I get the feeling our great romance is dead. How can we rekindle that early-relationship passion?
I have a friend who constantly cyber-stalks every promising guy she meets, consequently freaking herself out with what she finds. How can I convince her to stop being so judgmental? On the other side of things, where do you think people should draw the line when drawing up their profiles?

This is one reason why I hate so-called social networking sites; so much information about us is out there for anyone to find, and some of it might not be something we want people to find.  Remind your friend that she really can’t judge someone by their online profile; you probably have no idea when it was last updated, and also remind her that her behavior is not only desperate, it is very, very creepy.

Sometimes, I’m feeling less than sexual, and all I want to do is cuddle. My bf often misinterprets this to mean that I’m looking for some “sexy time.” How can I be sure I’m sending the right message?

Did you tell him, “I just feel like cuddling tonight?”  Because that seems like it would be hard to misinterpret.  I really don’t understand when people insist on “sending signals” instead of just saying what they mean/want. It gets you where you need to be much faster.

I’ve just been dumped in the worst way, and am feeling a bit vengeful. Should I give in to these feelings? No? How can I distract myself from my burgeoning feelings of homicidal rage?

It depends on what the revenge is; if it’s living well, moving on, and finding someone who won’t treat you like a piece of dirt, then yes.  If it involves saran-wrapping his car shut in the middle of the night so he’s late for work, congratulations!  You’ve just sunk to the level of my friend’s 16 year old sister.   I’ve had some shitty dumpings, and so have my friends (a six month relationship ended in a myspace comment? really??) and I really think the best thing to do is just move on.  Do you really want to be “that psycho obsessed ex” they’re talking to all their friends about once you’ve “had your revenge?”  I didn’t think so.

I’m so intimidated by the bar scene, and especially freeze up when a girl I’m interested in is surrounded by all of her bffs. What’s the secret to breaking the ice with a large group of gorgeous gals?

Don’t be intimidated!  They’re probably complaining to each other about the fact that no one is coming over and talking to them!  First approach them as a group, introducing yourself, asking how they’re all doing, and maybe some more idle chit-chat before bringing the conversation around to the one you like.

What do you look for when choosing your ideal wingman?

Cynicism, and a complete and total distrust of the entire human race.  Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, but I don’t take a wingman out for the same reasons men do; my wingman is there to help me cut through all the bullshit that is flying around whenever people are hitting on other people.

I get the feeling that I’ve scared off women in the past with my intensity. How can I make sure that I’m not coming on too strong?

If you really like someone, it’s hard NOT to come on strong; I’ve definitely been there.  However, you can’t assume that just because you are so totally into her, that she is equally as into you.  Sometimes, let her be the one to call you, and ask a friends advice before proposing another date. They might keep you from asking for a weekend away together before she’s even ready to consider an overnight.

I’m in a monogamous relationship, but continue to have dreams about my ex. Does this mean anything? How can I explore these feelings for my ex without hurting everyone involved?

It means you’re still processing whatever happened between the two of you. Really, I don’t think “a dream is a wish your heart makes,” because if that were true, then my heart would like pirates to take over the world today, and for me to be the leader of an underground ninja resistance movement.  And I think pirates are way cooler than ninjas in real life.  You don’t ever need to “explore feelings for [your] ex” because they’re your ex for a reason!  You broke up for good reason, remember them well, and try not to over-analyze your dreams.  Focus on the person you are with right now so you’re not having ex-dreams of them in a few months.

Middle school popular bitch; a little background: middle school was basically hell for me; I was in band, in gifted, wore braces and glasses, and was a total clueless tomboy.  I had no idea that between 5th and 6th grade girls were supposed to start shaving their legs! So one day after P.E., as I’m self-consciously changing because my mother has not gotten me any bras yet, she yells “Ewwww! Get something to cover those nasty things up!”

Really?  Now I realize that it was probably a normal every day thing for a trog like her to drop an insult so nasty and mean, but…why the fuck was she looking at my boobs, anyway?  That was really upsetting for super-tomboy-socially-awkward 12-year old me.  Needless to say I hit “ignore” to her friend request.

Another friend request came from a guy who unfortunately was also in the I.B. program at my high school, so we shared 75% of our classes each semester junior and senior year.  He HATED me.  I HATED him.  He used to verbally harass one of our teachers to tears, and I would yell at him about it and tell him to his face in front of everyone that I thought he was a giant bully compensating for a tiny cock.  When we dissected pigs and my girlfriends and I refused because we were vegetarians, he threw little pig organs at us for a week.  I blocked him on Facebook, and while I was at it, searched out other people who I couldn’t stand in high school and blocked them as well.

A girl who tried to get me arrested for things I Did Not Do in high school added me as a friend.  Really?  BAN!

Another friend request came in from someone whom I am actively afraid of, so I won’t go into many details.  Creepy Fuck stalked/harassed me online and in real life for years and did some truly heinous things to both me and friends of mine.  I’ve been ignoring him for years, but you know that Morrissey song, “the more you ignore me, the closer I get…”

And of course, I received a friend request from Super Crazy Bitch.   I’m not friends with her and I have made it clear by blatantly ignoring multiple years worth of friend requests on just about every social networking site that she finds me on that I really want nothing to do with her and her crazies.  I also banned her. Ban, ban, ban - I love that feature.

One of the first times someone added me for reasons I couldn’t fathom, it was someone who I was stuck dealing with both in school, band, and church - and in all of those places, we didn’t get along (you know it’s bad if you can’t get along with someone, even at church).  I sent her a “nice” message basically saying, “we weren’t friends, if I recall correctly you were a bossy bitch who annoyed me, but if you want to get to know each other now that’s cool.” Her response? “Well you were a know-it-all little shit who drove me crazy, but I’m game if you are.”  We’re actually pretty decent friends now, so I’m glad I kept an open mind about her.

So sometimes I end up getting to know someone I never would have in high school or middle school, and think to myself “ok, so maaaaaaybe I can see some value in these stalker sites.”  There are a few people who I never hung out wtih just based on that vast cultural chasm between high school juniors and seniors, and I’m really happy that we had Facebook around so we could find each other and become friends now that one year of age difference isn’t a big deal anymore.  So for the most part my experience with Facebook has been a good one, and I have been able to use it for the purposes intended.

Does anyone else have any fun stories of weird friend requests on any kind of “social networking” site?  Please share in the comments!

So I’ll segue that right into …

The x-Files, Part 3; or, reason number 579 I don’t date coworkers…

I’m going to explain how this date went with a nice itemized list of observations I made over the course of our date…

1. Do not spend the first twenty minutes of precious quick coffee date time talking about work. If I want to eat/drink while talking about work, I’ll go to the cafeteria…at work.
2. Know who you’re taking out.  Please do not suddenly realize who my father is in the middle of the date, and suddenly turn bright red when you realize you’re not only taking out your coworker, but your coworker’s daughter.
3. No, I didn’t care that you were older than me…until you mentioned it about 2,983 times.  Really, if this is such an issue, why the hell did you ask me out?
4. WTF, you’re still married?  You’re still living with her?  What?
5. You hate cats? OK - I have two.  No, I don’t want to “trade them in for a dog.”
6. Bux does not have liquor for their coffee, sorry, you’ll have to wait until you get home and have your wife pour you a nice big boozy drink.
7. Another 20 minutes later and I wish *I* had liquor in my coffee…
8. Finally extract myself from terrible conversation with standard, “I need to go home and take care of my cats” line.  He does not have my cell phone number; I do not give it to him.

So if he asks me out again I’m going to give the standard, “thank you, but this doesn’t really work for me,” line - though if his behaviour today is any indication, I don’t think he’ll be talking to me again anytime soon.  He just spent 20 minutes talking to my boss (who sits three feet away from me, seeing as we share half a cubicle) and didn’t even say hello.  What an asshole.

The Operahouse Players are performing November 14, 15, 16, 21, 22, 23, 28, 29, & 30; Fridays and Saturdays the show starts at 8pm, Sunday the show starts at 2pm. If you’re interested in going, call 860-292-6068 for tickets.  General admission is $20, over 60/under 12 cost $16.

The Opera House is located at 107 Main St. Broad Brook, CT.

I’ll be there opening night, and again the 23rd for a matinee.

Ploman glares at me for not closing the sliding glass door

It’s the 12th.  Wrath is coming out at midnight.  Ploman and I are currently watching movies, waiting for that magical time to hit so we can head to the game store and pick up our copies the moment it is released.  Yeah, it would be smarter for us to wait until tomorrow.  But if we did, you would miss out on all the photos I’m sure I’ll be taking of the gomers dressed up like WoW characters…!

In other news, I’m going on a date with The Grinch tomorrow night.  Why am I calling him The Grinch?  Because that’s what we call him at work.  He’s a mean SOB and rubs everyone the wrong way.  He’s been nothing but mean to ME (think: little boy kicks girl on playground in elementary school), but when he asked me out he was so super-enthusiastic, I couldn’t bring myself to say no.  I will probably be a total bitch to him all night, anyway.

I’ve decided that having heterosexual male friends (such as the grumpy glare-bot above) is good for me.  We get to talk about girls we think are cute together, and he gets to point out why most of the guys I talk to are total douchebags.  Between Ploman and Mr. T, I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed by testosterone.

And since turn about is fair play, I’m going to post a photo of myself.  I’m posting one that John aka IneRLogic took - he paid me $100 to model, and thus helped me buy my first digital SLR camera.

If you’re my friend on twitter, you’ve seen the tiny version of this photograph. I’m actually on the pool table in the basement of my house in this shot, and as Bill likes to point out, (random trivia) I tend to shoot with an open bridge…

Anyway, Ploman can never stay very angry for long…because stuff like this happens when he comes to my house:

Watching Ploman’s reaction to the ironman movie is hilarious - especially since he is spending half his time playing with the kitten. We can’t wait until the kitten stops being hyper, and turns into a lapcat like Bandit.

I spend at least an hour a day - probably more like two - answering the phone to questions that people wouldn’t have to ask me if they would just read the fucking emails that I send them.  I’m at the point where I want to start refusing to answer questions - I’ve already made it even harder for folks to leave their 20-minute rambling voicemails on my mailbox by putting up an extended absence greeting that states “please do not leave a voicemail, please send me an email so I have your request and information in writing.”

I also hate it when I tell people, “well, I sent you this last week…” and they respond all innocent-like, acting as though they’ve never heard of email before; “oh, you did??  REALLY??  Golly gee whiz, could you send that to me again, I must not have received it! It must have gotten eaten up by the email servers, ha-ha!”

As someone who has run her own server - web and email - I’d like to say that it is NEVER eaten by the email servers, especially at an enterprise-sized company with who knows how many backup email servers and archival systems in place.

My new policy is this: if I am sending something to you for the third or more time, I will up who your direct supervisor is in the company directory and CC that person.  And I always make sure to forward the forwarded email, so both your boss and you can see I have already sent it to you X amount of times.

Bitchy? I really don’t care. Learn to read,  and stop wasting my time.  Aren’t engineers supposed to be smart?

She and I both were stressed out.  She, much more than me…her first rugby game, she broke her wrist.  I still had tennis to destress me.  So, her mom put her up in that schmancy froofy hotel in Northampton (I refuse to link them, they short sheet you and over charge you) but in a little private cabin! With…(drumroll please)…a giant tub with whirlpool!  I decided it would be an awesome idea to take a bubble bath.  No, I’m not going to post the bathtub photos - yet.  Anyway, that’s why our hair is wet, and well…it’s probably one of my favorite memories from college.  Hanging out off-campus with nothing to do but keep each other company and destress.  She’s my platonic wife, you know!

PS, in case you didn’t know, I’m in the tie dye.

We were walking around the lots, and ended up in the back lot where they literally have more cars packed in then you would think possible.  I guess the current economic crisis has really affected the car dealerships.  As we were walking out to a reasonably-priced Civic with relatively decent mileage, I noticed a red Accord coupe and pointed it out to Ploman…and that was the end of that.  They wanted WAY too much for it, though it is a very nice car; leather heated seats, CD changer, sunroof, alloy wheels, V6 w/6-speed manual, etc. etc. - basically, I would have purchased that car had I been looking.  I managed to talk them down over $3K from what they originally wanted, made them drop his financing by 4 points, as well as throw in a 3-year full bumper-to-bumper warranty with my “you will not take advantage of me, I grew up going to the flea market every weekend” attitude.  Which gets me thinking…

Why is it we can negotiate prices at places like flea markets and car dealerships, but not at department stores?  Why can’t I go to Sears and say, “you know, I really like this vacuum cleaner, but it’s just $45 too expensive?”  When is the price negotiable?  Is there an etiquette rule for price negotiations?

For those of you thinking of buying a car, now is the time - it’s a buyer’s market.  Remember my attitude; “well, we have a car that works. We don’t have to buy this car from you if we don’t like the price” and don’t take no crap!

My father is the only person who is truly psyched about my chosen career - maybe because ohhh…we happen to work at the same place, and he gets to introduce me to his work friends all the time.  “This is my daughter, Sidney! She’s the [blahblahblah] that they’re always talking about in the 8:30 meeting!” and of course, his chest puffs out with pride when he brags about me to people at work.  (How I feel about being introduced to people first as his daughter and second with my title is probably fodder for an entire other post, actually…)

I wonder about this dichotomy, and why people seem so passionate about me going back to school.  My mother is especially guilty of this; when I tell her “violence in movies makes my legs get weak and my stomach flip-flop, how the hell am I going to handle someone whose guts are spilling out of their body?” she switches tactics, reminding me of my stellar LSAT scores.  “You could go to law school! They have a part-time program at UCONN! And those LSATs could easily get you into Yale!” Nevermind that I do not want to pay for either UCONN or Yale law school, not that my N.mumble GPA in undergrad would get me acceptance to either, anyway.  My p.i. aunt is the same way; “you know, you really should at least go back and get an M.B.A. if you’re going to stay in the engineering field. You already hit the glass ceiling, you said so yourself.”  My elementary school gifted teacher, who is now 89-years old and has recently converted to some sort of monkhood cult in the catholic church (the regular church was just “too liberal” for her) also brings this up during our bi-weekly phone conversations.  “When are you going to medical school? You have the brains for it, you know. Your mother always wanted you to be a doctor.”

You can imagine my disgust when I caught my mother and her sister talking on the phone about my baby cousins (future, hypothetical seeing as they are 6 and 7 years old) SAT scores, and how they would affect into which colleges they would gain admission.

“I see now why my cousin Erin always told everyone she wanted to drive a dump truck!  You guys put too much pressure on everyone! You know not everyone wants to be an over-achieving school nerd!*”

* My mother went to college for about 20 years, and has over four degrees framed and hanging on the wall.  My father has double undergraduate and double masters degrees as well as an M.B.A.  I managed to finish one major in college, and I haven’t seen my Smyff degree since graduation.  I bet it’s framed on the wall with her and my fathers degrees, actually…

I really have minimal desire to go back to school; I barely finished college alive, to be honest. The only thing that kept me sane during my time there was my participation on the tennis team, a few amazing professors, and my ex-girlfriend (who is now happily married and expecting a baby in February, but we’re still friends, and she reads this site, so hi Katja!).  An M.B.A. would probably be the quickest and dirtiest degree to get - but to what end? I once told my academic adviser in college that my career goal was “lower-middle management.”  Well baby, I’m there now! Who else can say they reached their lifetime carrer goal by the tender age of 27?  Between that and working to make money for my hobby (photography, specifically wedding), what else could I possibly ask for, career-wise?

Does anyone else have this constant academic pressure from their family? Is this a normal “I just want my baby to be all they can be and be the best and be successful and happy” wish, or is this indicative of a bigger problem? I think that everyone else in my family got the overacheiving striver gene, whereas I got the laid-back surfer gene.  No offense to surfers, of course.  They just tend to be the most laid-back people I know.

Part of me is curious…do you think if Bush hadn’t been such a sucktacular president, that Obama would have won this election?  I know it doesn’t matter - what matters is that he won - but really, if *I* were Obama, I would send Bush a big thank you card. Ha!