Comments on: I’m a not-so-closeted domestic http://www.paperhurts.com/2008/11/im-a-not-so-closeted-domestic/ a comedy of errors, or how iranamok in the college of perpetual indulgence Fri, 30 Apr 2010 18:28:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: paperhurts http://www.paperhurts.com/2008/11/im-a-not-so-closeted-domestic/comment-page-1/#comment-110 paperhurts Mon, 03 Nov 2008 05:55:01 +0000 http://www.paperhurts.com/?p=124#comment-110 1. Yes, religion does offer a built-in community of like-minded people; however, neither T nor I belong to a church. 2. Sometimes people don't get "the hint" - the more you ignore them, the closer they get! Which precipitates having The Friendship Breakup conversation. I don't think T needs to do this with his friend, because guys tend to be much simpler than women - every time I tried to "sneak out" or slowly pull out of a relationship with a female friend, they called me on it and it turned into a discussion/processing. 3. I also suggested meetup.com to T, I use that site to go hiking, since none of my IRL friends like to do so! 4. That is an add-in that I use called "commentluv" - my widgets are linked at the top of the blog the "Widgets" link. Commentluv, if you put in your website address, goes and grabs a link to your latest post to attach to the comment you put on another website. I think it's a really cool idea. 1. Yes, religion does offer a built-in community of like-minded people; however, neither T nor I belong to a church.
2. Sometimes people don’t get “the hint” – the more you ignore them, the closer they get! Which precipitates having The Friendship Breakup conversation. I don’t think T needs to do this with his friend, because guys tend to be much simpler than women – every time I tried to “sneak out” or slowly pull out of a relationship with a female friend, they called me on it and it turned into a discussion/processing.
3. I also suggested meetup.com to T, I use that site to go hiking, since none of my IRL friends like to do so!
4. That is an add-in that I use called “commentluv” – my widgets are linked at the top of the blog the “Widgets” link. Commentluv, if you put in your website address, goes and grabs a link to your latest post to attach to the comment you put on another website. I think it’s a really cool idea.

]]> By: Johan Lont http://www.paperhurts.com/2008/11/im-a-not-so-closeted-domestic/comment-page-1/#comment-109 Johan Lont Sun, 02 Nov 2008 23:30:41 +0000 http://www.paperhurts.com/?p=124#comment-109 Hello Sidney 1. While I was reading your blog, I realized more than ever before, how immensely important to me the various Christian student groups have been of which I have been a member. I've never been quite the party animal, but these organizations drew me in to parties, events and what not. At the same time provided the forum to discuss what was was wrong with the world and a safe environment to delve into and question my own roots. They provided me with the friends which were there for me when I needed and some of which would still have been my friends today, had I not isolated myself from them some 10 years ago - because of personal issues. This social structure is a side-effect - and not the purpose - of a religion, but it could prove difficult to find something - a hobby or ideal - that can achieve the same result equally well. 2. What is the problem? Person A calls B with a proposal. B says 'yes' or 'no', depending on what she(*) feels like doing. If B's lifestyle and interests have changed fundamentally, causing B to say 'no' almost always, she better finds an opportunity to talk it over with A. There is no need to say "I don't like you anymore" or "I don't want to be your friend"; you need only explain that you are not interested in certain activities that much anymore. It only becomes a problem if someone feels she should say 'yes' just because she owes it to their friendship. A friendship can turn in a sort of 'dormant friendship', because there are not many things that you are able to or would like to do together. Is that a problem? I know that I am seriously overlooking something, because you would not have written this blog if it was that simple. (*) or he. 3. Do you know meetup.com? Seems like a great way to make friends. A week ago, I met a blogging and vlogging girl on internet that doesn't go out very much (more like never) and mentioned being lonely at times. She lives in a big city, and I could not resist researching the Internet to see if there was something worth suggesting to her. That is how I discovered meetup.com. When I observed myself doing that, I had to laugh about myself. The girl I just referred to - I am old enough to be her father (the same is true for you, by the way). Am I having fatherly instincts that I didn't know of? In her case, I have not suggested her anything, because I felt in this case it would be like interfering, but if you ask in general "how to meet new friends", well, this website could be an option. 4. What is that red heart icon that I saw under my comments, where it says "Johan Lont´s last blog post". What does it do? Bye! <abbr><em>Johan Lont´s last blog post..<a href="http://twitter.com/jclont/statuses/986501948" rel="nofollow">jclont: At midnight in the Netherlands, it's 10:00 in Sydney, 15:00 in California, 17:00 in Texas and Oklahoma, and 18:00 in Toronto and Hartford.</a></abbr></em> Hello Sidney
1. While I was reading your blog, I realized more than ever before, how immensely important to me the various Christian student groups have been of which I have been a member. I’ve never been quite the party animal, but these organizations drew me in to parties, events and what not. At the same time provided the forum to discuss what was was wrong with the world and a safe environment to delve into and question my own roots. They provided me with the friends which were there for me when I needed and some of which would still have been my friends today, had I not isolated myself from them some 10 years ago – because of personal issues.
This social structure is a side-effect – and not the purpose – of a religion, but it could prove difficult to find something – a hobby or ideal – that can achieve the same result equally well.

2. What is the problem? Person A calls B with a proposal. B says ‘yes’ or ‘no’, depending on what she(*) feels like doing. If B’s lifestyle and interests have changed fundamentally, causing B to say ‘no’ almost always, she better finds an opportunity to talk it over with A. There is no need to say “I don’t like you anymore” or “I don’t want to be your friend”; you need only explain that you are not interested in certain activities that much anymore.

It only becomes a problem if someone feels she should say ‘yes’ just because she owes it to their friendship. A friendship can turn in a sort of ‘dormant friendship’, because there are not many things that you are able to or would like to do together. Is that a problem?

I know that I am seriously overlooking something, because you would not have written this blog if it was that simple.

(*) or he.

3. Do you know meetup.com? Seems like a great way to make friends. A week ago, I met a blogging and vlogging girl on internet that doesn’t go out very much (more like never) and mentioned being lonely at times. She lives in a big city, and I could not resist researching the Internet to see if there was something worth suggesting to her. That is how I discovered meetup.com.

When I observed myself doing that, I had to laugh about myself. The girl I just referred to – I am old enough to be her father (the same is true for you, by the way). Am I having fatherly instincts that I didn’t know of? In her case, I have not suggested her anything, because I felt in this case it would be like interfering, but if you ask in general “how to meet new friends”, well, this website could be an option.

4. What is that red heart icon that I saw under my comments, where it says “Johan Lont´s last blog post”. What does it do?
Bye!

Johan Lont´s last blog post..jclont: At midnight in the Netherlands, it’s 10:00 in Sydney, 15:00 in California, 17:00 in Texas and Oklahoma, and 18:00 in Toronto and Hartford.

]]>