A little background info if you are new to my blog: I work for The Man & Big Brother, Inc. We have quite a few government contracts (which means we answer to DoD/FBI on stuff like export/etc.), and make jet engines for both commercial and military applications. I’m an engineer, and happen to be the youngest in my group, in addition to being the only female. I was also recently made communications manager for our entire engine program, which has caused all sorts of confusion for people who apparently thought I was some kind of aide.
1. Do not cancel someone else’s print job. EVER. Even if they are printing 200 pages X 3!
2. Tartan/plaid pants look like pajamas. Do not wear them to work, or I will giggle at you.
3. If I can see a triangle of hair-covered pasty skin where your shirt tucks in under your beer belly, Buy Longer Shirts.
4. Don’t touch me. Ever. Unless you are A) that power dyke from across the wall, B) my hot Belgian intern, or C) my favorite manager who gives everyone (women AND men) lovely shoulder rubs.
5. Don’t mock my veganism and I won’t mock your comb over.
5a. When I am distressed about a sick cat, do not offer to “take it for a drive” for me, or offer a “$0.10 solution” (aka bullet). Do not mock me leaving early/coming in late because I took my cat to the vet. People with kids get special dispensation – why are pet people so ridiculed?
6. I realize that I am physically at my desk. However, the bowl of tofu and psychopop novel in front of me should indicate that I Am On A Break. So COME BACK LATER AFTER I HAVE FINISHED MY LUNCH. Do not say “I hate to interrupt your lunch…” and then proceed to interrupt my lunch! That’s just RUDE!
7. Ties are awesome. Especially psychedelic tie-dyed ones wrapped around retro polyester with metallic stripes. I love you, our German partners! (Incidentally, something I have noticed – the German/French engineers we work with tend to be much better dressed and much better looking than the American engineers I deal with every day. Just sayin…)
8. No, I will not work for you and charge someone else. Even if he says it is OK. It is against policy to work without a statement of work, and I don’t want to be fired for helping you!
9. For the last time, I am none of the following:
- a secretary
- your mother
- your therapist
- an intern
- your personal tech support
10. I do not date people from work (with the exception of examples A & B from #4 above) ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE 40-SOMETHING MARRIED MEN.
Ok, I’m adding a number 11: PLEASE do not send me a business email with any of the following:
- :), :P, ;), or any other emotes
- “my bad”
- “wtf,” “lol,” etc.
- an accusatory tone
- a whiny tone
- an “emergency” due to poor planning on your part does not an emergency on my part make
- asking questions that are answered if you just read the entire email I sent
- signatures with cutesy/folksy/religious sayings
- political fwds
- “funny” fwds
- just don’t fwd anything that isn’t specifically related to my job
- do not ask me for my cell phone number and/or attempt to flirt via work email…I realize I’m the cutest thing around here, but really it gets tiresome the lame lines I get via work email. Perhaps I’ll write about that specifically another day.
Good Day to you, Paperhurts!
I just subscribed to your blog, because it looks amusing. I am indeed new to this blog. So, thanks for the background.
I got to your blog via http://twitter.com/paperhurts/statuses/967820003
I’m glad that at my office, we don’t have so many work rules as you just posted.
If you ever wondered how to distinguish a German from a Dutch guy: Dutch guys generally don’t like to wear ties. (That’s probably what prevented the EU from becoming the United States of Europe). So you will not see me with a tie.
I’m actually more of a dog person, than a cat person, but if the cats are really cute, I stray.
I was surprized that half the votes in your poll were cast by me. If I had known I was such an influential voter group, I would have given it more consideration, before deciding I still don’t like black backgrounds.
Please put it in your blog if A or B from #4 asks you on a date, because my curiosity is virtually insatiable.
Johan Lont´s last blog post..jclont: @vivalavibs Good to hear that your hard work (http://twitter.com/vivalavibs/statuses/960418366) has been rewarded.
I actually went on a date with (A) awhile back (I wrote that list a few months ago) but we’re just friends now. She is still, however, ridiculously hot.
And since you agreed with me (for I am, indeed, the other vote saying I need to redesign this webpage) I will start working on it RIGHT. NOW.
Because the WoW servers are down and the friend I hoped would visit…isn’t.
I should also note that my new design will no longer have black/dark background…I’m tired of that as well…I wanted to put a great photo I took in SLC as my background, but am not sure where I put my portable harddrive when I unpacked …