Sometimes, I really wish I was able to type out all the ridiculously funny stuff that goes on at the lunch table in the cafeteria here at The Man & Big Brother, Inc. However, the rule is, “what happens at the lunch table, stays at the lunch table.” That doesn’t mean I can’t give you a few out-of-context stories…
Sardonic Manager: “Oh you won’t believe what happened in the 8:30 this morning. So Dr. X [random managerial-type who likes to stir up trouble and INSISTS on reminding everyone he has a PhD] got on the call – late, as usual – and starts pounding on Louis – and suddenly all we hear is CLICK! He totally hung up on us!”
Disbelieving Manager, to Louis: “Did you really hang up on them?”
Louis, through a bite of banana: “What, I want to take it up the ass first thing in the morning?”
Other gems include:
“We can find defeat in the jaws of victory!” – on winning a major contract, but being told it’s a “lean year” and there is now a hiring freeze, with possible layoffs on the horizon.
“If you look at this engine, you will turn to salt!” – suggestion to reword the official proprietary notice.
“We’re considering hiring an armed guard for the engine, 24/7. If we can’t get an armed guard, we’ll just send over Paperhurts and tell her we’ll cancel her World of Warcraft subscription if she lets anyone looks at the engine.”
And my favorite by far…in response to a threat of being laid off (half-jokingly): “I’ve got one word for you: vested.”